I just wish that I could do something, but I know it's Would it be better, to leave it? I don't want to leave it like this but I don't want to force anything either.
I was actually thinking that I'd go and find my own place entirely. Leave the both of you here.
(The thought of being alone again is a very hard one to swallow: she feels tired, and so heartsore. But she doesn't want Taako to feel as if he's unable to come back here, and if the one thing stopping him from staying is her, then of course she'll go.)
[As far as she's concerned, it was best for everyone. Neither of them would have to dance around each other all the time, and Taako would have time to deal with his anger.
Even if he decided to hate her, he still needed time to cope.
Could I see you now? If you don't mind seeing me like this, I mean.
(Jumping from Lup is here, Lup has always been here, to Lup is missing, possibly dead and it's my fault, why I can't find her, back to the first one again is some kind of emotional whiplash.
That, and she would really like a hug. She hasn't hasn't had a hug from a friend in two, long, lonely years.)
(She has absolutely no idea what to do with Taako. Does she even deserve to be able to do anything she could come up with? And now Lup is being added to the fray– despite her reassurances of loving her too much to be angry, Lucretia still finds herself in a fretting mood. Torn between sitting and losing herself in thought and getting up and running out of the house just to do something with her nervous energy, she ends up pacing incessantly in the living room with her hands behind her back, which is how Lup will no doubt find her.)
[When Lup arrives, she's also full of nervous energy. She feels guilty in a lot of ways about this - guilty for not hating Lucretia like her brother does, and guilty that she's lying about not being angry.
She's just so, so tired of them splitting apart like this. She's so lost in what to do, because Taako is not reacting the way he used to. He pulls away, even from her, and that's painful.
That makes her angry, because he's changed, and Lucretia is responsible for her brother suffering.
Yet here she is, looking over at the now aged best friend with a clump in her chest of worry for her as well.]
Hey, girl. Looks like we gotta update your makeup. Definitely not an autumn any more, gotta bring in some winter.
(She stops dead in the middle of the room when Lup finally arrives, dropping her shoulders, standing straight. This has become well-versed habit over the years, the time alone. Draw yourself up and maintain good posture: nobody will question you. Nobody will ever guess that you don't even have a slight handle on all of your shit.
Seeing Lup makes her want to start crying again.
It's so strange. She knows, logically, that she'd just seen Lup the other day at home, lazing in the living room on the couch. Lucretia had seen her drop her phone on her face, she'd laughed. But today she'd jumped forwards sixty-eight odd years– and somewhere towards the end, she'd lost Lup entirely and those years had been so dark, so full of guilty what-ifs. How can seeing her again (and like this, whole and un-dead and full of concern, familiar little smile on her face) feel so raw?)
It's so good to see you, (she manages, over the lump in her throat.)
Don't 'it's good to see you' me. I made you breakfast yesterday.
[It's a joke, but it's pretty flat againt the tension of it all. Lup can hardly even imagine the time that had passed, and she was a damn elf.
She moves over to Lucretia, and... she's... so different. Rigid, collected on the outside. Older, obviously, but that didn't bother Lup as much as the change in body language.
No longer sweet innocent Lucretia. Madam Director with the world on her shoulders.]
You... shit, this is awkward. You look good, though.
(Okay, perhaps her humour is falling a little flat but she's very nervous. Lup hasn't seen her like this before and while Lucretia hasn't ever been one to be very concerned with her physical appearance, when it comes to Lup and the rest of the crew it feels like it matters quite a lot.
She relaxes a little as she steps closer, even reaches out to touch Lup's shoulder with her fingertips like she's not quite sure she's real.)
[It really is flat, between them. Lup watches as Lucretia moves forward to put her hand on her shoulder, and a little, bitter part of her wants to pull away.
But she doesn't.
Because Luce is as close to a sister she'll ever get.]
It really is. I can't... I can't believe how many years have passed. How much has changed.
I know. And all at once, too: I feel like I'm suffering from some kind of mental whiplash.
(This at least isn't joking about or nervous posturing: she really does feel completely out of it, like she has a soft head-cold.)
Lup, this sucks. I didn't think– I mean, there was a part of me that was concerned about what the canister had for me but I never guessed it would be all of this.
(She grins, a little ruefully, and gives Lup's shoulder a gentle squeeze before she takes her hand back.)
It's okay. I'd been considering it anyway and honestly, I... I'm better off alone. (Can't hurt anybody that way. It's not like she hasn't been begrudgingly getting used to it lately either.)
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Just as a heads up for when you get here, I... look a little different.
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Is Taako
Did you talk to Taako?
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He doesn't want to be around me, Lup. And I don't blame him either.
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I know. I can't blame him either. You made a shitty mistake.
You're still family, though. I've already been mad about this, I love you too much to be angry again.
Still, you changed him so much. I can't ignore that.
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I just wish that I could do something, but I know it's
Would it be better, to leave it? I don't want to leave it like this but I don't want to force anything either.
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Maybe it's bets if you move out for a while.
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I was actually thinking that I'd go and find my own place entirely. Leave the both of you here.
(The thought of being alone again is a very hard one to swallow: she feels tired, and so heartsore. But she doesn't want Taako to feel as if he's unable to come back here, and if the one thing stopping him from staying is her, then of course she'll go.)
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Even if he decided to hate her, he still needed time to cope.
...and Luce would be spared his anger.]
Yeah.
I'll come visit, okay?
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(And then, before she can stop herself:)
Could I see you now? If you don't mind seeing me like this, I mean.
(Jumping from Lup is here, Lup has always been here, to Lup is missing, possibly dead and it's my fault, why I can't find her, back to the first one again is some kind of emotional whiplash.
That, and she would really like a hug. She hasn't hasn't had a hug from a friend in two, long, lonely years.)
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[She's not sure, though. Not because Luce was old, but because there was a pressure in her chest of worry and anger and all kinds of stupid emotions.]
Where do you wanna meet?
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(Even that little joke does a lot to loosen the tight, anxious feeling in her chest.)
House? I'm going to go to work for the evening I think but until then, I'm here.
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[Taako was still out dealing with this (and it was so weird that he wasn't here with her, but she'll just wait until he's ready.]
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(She has absolutely no idea what to do with Taako. Does she even deserve to be able to do anything she could come up with? And now Lup is being added to the fray– despite her reassurances of loving her too much to be angry, Lucretia still finds herself in a fretting mood. Torn between sitting and losing herself in thought and getting up and running out of the house just to do something with her nervous energy, she ends up pacing incessantly in the living room with her hands behind her back, which is how Lup will no doubt find her.)
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She's just so, so tired of them splitting apart like this. She's so lost in what to do, because Taako is not reacting the way he used to. He pulls away, even from her, and that's painful.
That makes her angry, because he's changed, and Lucretia is responsible for her brother suffering.
Yet here she is, looking over at the now aged best friend with a clump in her chest of worry for her as well.]
Hey, girl. Looks like we gotta update your makeup. Definitely not an autumn any more, gotta bring in some winter.
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Seeing Lup makes her want to start crying again.
It's so strange. She knows, logically, that she'd just seen Lup the other day at home, lazing in the living room on the couch. Lucretia had seen her drop her phone on her face, she'd laughed. But today she'd jumped forwards sixty-eight odd years– and somewhere towards the end, she'd lost Lup entirely and those years had been so dark, so full of guilty what-ifs. How can seeing her again (and like this, whole and un-dead and full of concern, familiar little smile on her face) feel so raw?)
It's so good to see you, (she manages, over the lump in her throat.)
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[It's a joke, but it's pretty flat againt the tension of it all. Lup can hardly even imagine the time that had passed, and she was a damn elf.
She moves over to Lucretia, and... she's... so different. Rigid, collected on the outside. Older, obviously, but that didn't bother Lup as much as the change in body language.
No longer sweet innocent Lucretia. Madam Director with the world on her shoulders.]
You... shit, this is awkward. You look good, though.
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(Okay, perhaps her humour is falling a little flat but she's very nervous. Lup hasn't seen her like this before and while Lucretia hasn't ever been one to be very concerned with her physical appearance, when it comes to Lup and the rest of the crew it feels like it matters quite a lot.
She relaxes a little as she steps closer, even reaches out to touch Lup's shoulder with her fingertips like she's not quite sure she's real.)
This is bizarre.
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[It really is flat, between them. Lup watches as Lucretia moves forward to put her hand on her shoulder, and a little, bitter part of her wants to pull away.
But she doesn't.
Because Luce is as close to a sister she'll ever get.]
It really is. I can't... I can't believe how many years have passed. How much has changed.
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(This at least isn't joking about or nervous posturing: she really does feel completely out of it, like she has a soft head-cold.)
Lup, this sucks. I didn't think– I mean, there was a part of me that was concerned about what the canister had for me but I never guessed it would be all of this.
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[She pulls some of her hair back behind a pointed ear and sighs.]
It's... a lot. Too much - and I'm... sorry for asking you to move out.
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(She grins, a little ruefully, and gives Lup's shoulder a gentle squeeze before she takes her hand back.)
It's okay. I'd been considering it anyway and honestly, I... I'm better off alone. (Can't hurt anybody that way. It's not like she hasn't been begrudgingly getting used to it lately either.)
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That's a load of bullshit and you know it.
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I've been doing just fine without you. What's a little more time?
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Ouch. That was a majorly unnecessary attempt to get rid of me.
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